Responsibility

Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was like if you'd get a bike for your birthday, or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Now that I am officially an adult, I'm beginning to think its totally overrated. Don't be fooled by all the hot shoes, the great parties, and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Its the responsibility that comes with all that privilege I'm worried about. I mean adults have to be places, and earn a living, and pay the rent. See? Its kind of making bikes and cookies look really really good isn't it? And you know what the scariest part of responsibility is? When you screw up, and let it slip right through your fingers. Unfortunately however, once we get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. Responsibility can't be avoided, either someone makes us face it, or we suffer the consequences. . And still, I mean adulthood has its perks, your own place, your own privacy, and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do, well, that's pretty damn good.

Also in the unfortunate category, is the inevitability that in life only one thing is certain...apart from death and taxes...no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You're going to hurt people, you're going to get hurt, and if you ever want to recover, there is only one thing you can say. Forgive and forget, that's what they say, it's good advice, but its not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled...old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget.

Fairy Tales

After careful consideration, and many sleepless nights, here's what I've decided: There is no such thing as a "grown-up". We eventually move on and move out, and we will move away from our families, and start our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears, and all the old wounds will just grow up with us. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older, but for the most part we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in. I've heard it's possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who's actually ever done it. Without our parents to defy, we break the rules we set for ourselves. We still throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets in the dark with our best friends, we look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope, against all logic, against all experience, like children we never give up hope.

Like you know how when you were a kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, Prince Charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You'd lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close, you could taste them. But eventually, we grow-up. One day, we wake up, open our eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, its hard to let go of that fairy tale completely, because almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they'll open their eyes and it will all come true.

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well its may not be a castle. And it suddenly becomes not so important that its happily ever after. Just that it's happy right now. See once in awhile, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile... people may even take your breath away.